Alien Abductions

Ever felt the overwhelming need to experience an alien abduction experience? You know the kind of thing, wake up at night. Odd light coming through the window. Strange silhouettes moving around outside in the garden. Then your radio (which is unplugged) suddenly bursts into life as your fish-tank starts shaking violently.

Well, 'Nesters. If this is you, then you can rely on the kind fellows at AlienAbductions.com to make your dreams - or nightmares - come true.

By some strange process of science (yeah right), they claim they can implant memories of an abduction encounter, customised to match your tastes precisely. We're not too sure how they do this, but don't be surprised if you get frog-marched into a little room somewhere and wake up to find someone waving a chain watch under your eyes. On the other hand, maybe they've got some advanced Virtual Reality holiday equipment scavenged from the Roswell crash.

Their site says that, "WHETHER YOUR INTEREST IS CULTURAL, SCIENTIFIC, OR SENSUAL," they can load your little noggin with an alien experience that will leave you quivering for weeks.

They go on to explain: "The fact of the matter is that most people will probably never have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens. And even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no assurances that they will fully remember their experience--much less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that they hoped it would be.

"So why wait? Why wonder if they're ever going to come for you? Why even invest the time, trouble, and expense involved in an actual abduction when the highly trained and professional staff at Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with personalised, realistic memories of the alien abduction that you have been waiting for your entire life?"

Other wonders of this on-line UFO-fest include the Abductalizer. This is an interactive test that allows you to sit the dreaded PAAF … or in layperson's terms, a Personal Abduction Analysis Factor test, to gauge your vulnerability as an alien abductee.

Other amazing forays into e-commerce by this bunch include group abduction experience, crop circle tours and lectures by famous abductees.

Hmmm. Sounds good to me, but how we customise my abduction experience so that the aliens look like the Playboy centrefold models, months January through December. And their planet has run out of men, and they'll do anything to convince me to come with them and … <okay, that's enough of that. Ed>

Visit these UFO-tastic chaps over at …

http://www.alienabductions.com/